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History Jokes

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Q: Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
A: Because there were so many knights!

Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because the queen has reigned there for years!

Q: How did the Vikings send secret messages?
A: By norse code!

Q: Who invented fractions?
A: Henry the 1/4th!

Q: What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark?
A: Floodlights!

Q: What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?
A: I don't know, I wasn't invited!

Q: What's purple and 5000 miles long?
A: The grape wall of China.

Q: What did Mason say to Dixon?
A: We've got to draw the line here!

Q: Who made King Arthur's round table?
A: Sir-Cumference

Q: Who built the ark?
A: I have Noah idea!

Q: Why aren't you doing well in history?
A: Because the teacher keeps on asking about things that happened before I was born!

Q: What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
A: Toga-ether we can rule the world!

Q: Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood. He had to walk 8 miles to school every day!
A: Well, he should have gotten up earlier and caught the schoolbus like everyone else!

Q: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
A: At the bottom!

Q: What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
A: The same middle name!

Q: What is the fruitiest subject at school?
A: History, because it's full of dates!

Q: Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons?
A: Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a train!

Q: When a knight was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave?
A: Rust in peace!

Q: How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
A: With a pair of Caesars!

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